I'm In Mourning

Please let me introduce you to Dave, who is a geek extraodinaire! He helps run a little website called Halforums where Trekkies and geeks alike can unite and talk about Dungeons and Dragons or math. But seriously, he's good people and has been my Twitter pal for a while now, and he was good enough to write this awesome post. Thanks, Dave!
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There is an emptiness in my life. I know why this is and I can really do nothing but wait for time to sooth me with its healing touch. I knew this day would come, but as with many things in life there was nothing I could do but watch the time slip away from me. The hope, the dreams...all gone. What's weird is that even though I have seen the end now for months it still hit me suddenly, like I had just opened my eyes one day and *poof* it was over.

I look outside at the snow and think of my life and those who have touched it over the years. It is heartening to know that - intellectually at least - everything has to end. But know something in my head and feeling it in my heart are two different things. There is an emptiness in my life that I can no longer fill. My wife notices. She sees me looking listlessly out the window, staring at the bleak whiteness and wishing there was life again. I shuffle from room to room, trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of what I'd lost. There is an emptiness in my life. And I won't be able to fill it until next season.

Yes, I am suffering from what my wife refers to as "NFL Withdrawal". When the whistle blew and the Saints had won the Super Bowl I elated with the city of New Orleans, wishing I was in the party with them drinking in the effusiveness that only a victory of this magnitude can bring. Yet after a short time even I tired of the revelry and caterwauling and retired to my bed, already realizing that tomorrow when I awoke there would be no more football, no more good-natured arguing with my buddies about who would win this game or which player would break out in that game. No, the glitz and glamor of my year had ceased and it would be nothing more than another Monday.

Now, I think some of you might not know the depths of my NFL love. From August to February the NFL is what I do. I eat NFL, sleep NFL and in the throes of lovemaking even sometimes catch myself wanting to whisper names like OchoCinco or Manning. Okay, that last part is a lie. But if my wife did I would totally understand.

My passion and love for football began out of necessity when I was in the 5th grade. Oh, I had a favorite team - the Dallas Cowboys - but didn't really know anything other than their uniforms looked good, Roger Staubach was a pretty good quarterback and they won me a Thanksgiving Day pool against my family. So when it came time for us to play football in 5th grade I faked that I knew a lot but I really didn't. Of course, I was very fast and big then, so when the other team kicked off they had me return it. I caught the ball and immediately saw the entire other team running towards me, their faces contorted in rictus grin of hatred and loathing. I panicked. After throwing the ball to a teammate and being roundly ridiculed by both teams for not knowing the rules of something as simple as football, I did the only thing I could - I learned the game!

Now, it has to be said that I am a major geek. Total. I can quote Monty Python lines at you all day. I still routinely play Dungeons and Dragons. I have LARPed! (For those of you who do not know, LARP stands for Live Action Roleplaying. These are the guys who dress up in costumes and run around hitting each other with fake swords.) I tell you this not because I want to invite derision upon myself but to let you know the type of personality I have. When I say I learned about the game of football I do not mean I gathered a few random rules together to pass muster. I studied the game. I bought books. I watched film. I broke down offensive and defensive plays, marveling when the guard would pull to lead block for the running back. I learned the penalties, the referee's hand signals. If it was in a game, I knew it.

I graduated into the 6th grade with the full knowledge that if we played football again I was ready! "Omaha! Omaha! Red 32, x-wing blast right on TWO!" In my mind I was the Grand Leader, the Marshall. I would be carted off the field on the shoulders of the victorious players, leaving the vanquished to languish in the dust of defeat. But it was not to be. My friends discovered two things - girls and kickball. I never played football again.

But then I discovered fantasy football and my life changed forever. This was football - for geeks! This is where I shined. Predicting players, figuring statistics. I was home!

Now I'm in 5 leagues every year and two of these I run the whole show. It's like a part time job. Working the trades, checking the waiver wire, planning my draft. I'm constantly on the phone, switching from one channel to another, opening live updating stats on both monitors in my massive computer setup.

But now that's over. There is an emptiness in my life. I wonder when the draft is?